Otherwise entitled: Some Irrelevant and Probably Inappropriate Observations on Modern Children's Television Programming.
- I would like to have a bit more exposition on some of the characters and situations taken for granted in these shows. For example, why is there a talking, walking potato on JoJo's Circus? And why is he naked? Even the frog character has a tutu. Which, frankly, is a whole other issue, but I'd be willing to let it go if the potato can be satisfactorily explained.
- Hip Hop Harry features a very large bear with a huge gold emblem reminiscent of a clock on a chain around his neck (and a giant wristwatch, just to make the clock connection stronger). Presumably, this prepares children for the rite of passage we all have to go through someday: watching Flava of Love.
- My sister informed me that Wilmer Valderrama voices Handy Manny, which seems to bring his post-70's Show resume up to Manny and Yo Momma. Not to mention makes me wonder when Manny's going to start trading insults with those mouthy tools.
- I discovered that They Might Be Giants provided theme songs for both Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (Elizabeth's favorite thing EVER), and Higglytown Heroes. Which is cool. Also reminds me of their fantastic Tiny Toons spot for "Particle Man".
- Another reason to love Noggin: Chris Meloni pops up periodically to encourage us to read. How nice.
- I'm kind of creeped out by the practice of encouraging audience participation by asking questions and then pausing for answers. My daughter is too young to respond much yet, so it usually results in Mickey Mouse staring at us in silence for ten seconds. Slightly disturbing.
- The Doodlebops are more than slightly disturbing. I can't quite put on finger on why, but they definitely are.
- You know, the Blue Wiggle is kinda hot. But don't worry, that's as far as I'm taking that particular thought - I will not become these women.
- I think the creators of any given children's show only make about five episodes of the show, probably on the presupposition that kids don't care what Dora's actually doing, as long as they're watching Dora do something. But what about the adults watching the kids? Do you realize I saw the same three episodes of Dora the Explorer in less than a two-week period? Is that really necessary? As the old saying goes, architects should be forced to live in the houses they design, and children's show creators should be forced to watch the same three episodes of the shows they create.
- That red-haired kid on Little Einsteins has got to be gay. Maybe they should next explore the life and works of Oscar Wilde to help him puzzle it all out.
- Max and Ruby. I love this show. I will sit and watch this show even when Elizabeth is taking a nap. And it's impossible to explain unless you a) watch the show yourself, and b) have a bizarre, childlike sense of humor.
I realize this makes it sound like my daughter watches insane amounts of television, which really is not the case. Even when I leave the TV turned on for her, she often loses interest after a while and wanders off to find her toys or books. Sometimes she comes back for songs, and then leaves again. Which often results in me looking up from my computer or whatever else I was doing and realizing I'm the only one still paying even remote attention to Little Bear.
You childless folks have no idea what you're missing. Don't worry, though - I'm sure that by the time you bring your own little ones forth, the same five episodes of Dora the Explorer will still be playing.