Good grief, Columbus. You've outdone yourselves this round.
Dear Mrs. Pink Purse Dear Mrs. Pink Purse, My wife and I had went on a long and miserable rafting trip down off of Big Run Road in Gambier. We were both sunburned and tired from having to row most of our 3+ mile trip when we stumbled upon your purse. It was a really dingy and pink in color. Contents are as follows: 3 depressing love letters, Two dollars and nine cents in change, an empty little pink wallet type thing (also dingy), and one nicely rolled joint. I want to apologize for reading the letters, but I thought they might give some clue of your identity, unfortunately not. I left it just as I found it, underneath the bridge on Big Run Road, but short 3 letters and the pot. The letters are old and I know they would only depress you more, and the pot, I couldn't just leave it there. When you find your ugly, dingy, pink purse, I hope that you realize life is too short to get hung up on being depressed. Your life may be awful, but you did put a smile on our faces. You will find an additional five dollars to cover the cost of your joint. It was some pretty good shit by the way. Best wishes. [link]
And they say there's no considerate folks left these days.
Need someone to march around in protest I am planning a large scale massive protest of the killing of innocent squirrell monkeys in Indonesia. Hundreds of these poor helpless creatures are being killed every day so that their fur may be used to make cowboy boots. It is getting out of hand. I want to hire several people to march in downtown Columbus carrying signs to protest these sensless and violent killings. This will not be anything violent simply a peaceful protest. Just march around an hour or two chanting random thoughts about monkeys while carrying a sign that says Stop the Madness and stop killing monkeys. [link]
I appreciate the activist spirit and sentiment, but I also suggest "chanting random thoughts about monkeys" might not be the best way to go about it. Come up with some bullet points, at least.
Need someone to rough me up Yes you read that correctly. I am tired of my girlfriend thinking I am too soft and people beating me up daily. I am tired of having my lunch stolen. I need someone to come over daily and rough me up a little bit to toughen me up somewhat. Nothing too violent just a little smack in the back of the head here a kick in the shin there. Maybe stomp my foot while I am watching TV. Take my plate as I am eating dinner. Come in the middle of the night and wake me up by banging pots and pans . Just simple things like that. No roid freaks please I said rough me up not kill me. [link]
I'm not certain this is "rough me up" as much as it is "slightly annoy me in the course of my daily life." But, you know, whatever works.
Nice a** refrigerator This fridge is really nice. If you need one take mine. open to trade. What do you have? [link]
That description is in fact one of the taglines they use at Lowe's to sell appliances.
I did learn my lesson, though, that if I come across a priceless CL post, I need to copy/paste it to a safe place. There was a dude who posted about his need to borrow someone's house to claim as his own in order to impress a certain female. He even offered to change the sheets after he was done, which was charmingly optimistic of him. But, alas, the post was flagged before I could get the text. From now on, I'll keep my own records.
My bed I hate changing my bed! I'll pay someone $10.00 a week to do it for me. I live in the Henderson/Reed area. [link]
However, it does seem that with all the sheet-changing needed around the city, it might be the business to start.