The Best of Columbus Craigslist, Vol III

It's about time for another one, isn't it?

Need someone to drive while I drink Lets just start by saying I like to drink a lot. My liver probably looks like a gas station bathroom. But I don't like to drive when I have been drinking not to mention if I do the judge has threatened to take my license for life. So I need someone to drive me around to a few bars until I complete my alcohol intake each evening and then drive me home. Hey if I drink enough you may not even have to take me all the way home I won't even know the difference. This will be a nightly job. At least until I go to rehab. [link]

The new responsible, methodical alcoholism. I wonder if there's a checklist to make sure the alcohol intake is completed as prescribed.

Seeking mullet pics I am looking for mullet photographs. If you have a mullet or know someone who does please send them to me for a compilation I am attempting to complete. Any kind of mullet will work from skullets to chicklets. [link]

The best coffee table book idea ever. If you hate having visitors.

I need a turtle! I need a turtle, a red eared slider or a mud/musk turtle, preferably a mud/musk turtle. Give me an offer, but no more than twenty. I can get a baby for that much. [link]

I'm a little taken aback by the urgency in this one. I can't imagine what kind of situation would lead one to need a turtle, and a specific kind of turtle, so desperately. Probably better not to ask.

Bassist ... ahem
I play.....
I have good gear...
I like a lot of stuff...
Fugazi, Teeth Of The Hydra, Isis, Coalesce, The Cardinal Sin
Meh.... [link]

Fortunately, "enthusiasm" isn't generally included in the job description for a bassist.

Seeking Pirate ship My name is Captain Morgan and I am seeking a real pirate ship. I don't want some speed boat with a skull and bones flag attached and painted black. I want a real pirate ship with treasure chests, parrots and everything. If you have one you are looking to sell please contact me. I am willing to pay a nice sum for the right ship. ARRRRGGGGHHHHH MATEY. [link]

He missed Talk like a Pirate Day by a good week, so now it's just weird.

Need prosthetic leg I am looking to purchase a prosthetic leg to be used as a planter. My best friend used to have a prosthetic leg due to being mauled by a bobcat and is now deceased due to the stump becoming infected so I feel this would be a great way to remember him. I plan on filling the leg with dirt and planting his favorite flowers , dandelions inside it. So if you happen to have an extra leg laying around contact me and I will make you an offer for the leg. [link]

... What?